babies were throwing up all over the place
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
