If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
