I want to make a zoo with you.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
