I am in a vortex of obligation.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
