do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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