I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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