Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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