Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you inspire me to be a worse person
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
