yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You took a bar mat shot.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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