$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
