So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
What drink are we having for lunch?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize