I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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