I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
