ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Barsexuality is the new black.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
