And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
