I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
