I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
