Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
