You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
