You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
