Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize