Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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