Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
