I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
