I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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