suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
