I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
