I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
