I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
