Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
