i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
