What a fucking waste of an outfit
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
