I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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