they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Less talking, more tequila
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you had me at cake vodka
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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