All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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