Pappa wants mamma naked
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
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