Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm always down for nudity.
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