he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
