Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
