Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
