Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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