I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
