Umm I'm too high to move.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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