I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize