I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
