haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
