a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
