i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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