put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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