my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
