Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
