Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
