My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
