I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
