I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
