Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
