The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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