well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
