she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
