Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
