I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i barfeds in our rink
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
