I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
