I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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