you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
