It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You made out with two different species that night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
