you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
