We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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