Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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