You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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