the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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