It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize