Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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