the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
