i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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